A New Twist on the beginning of the world!

A New Twist on the beginning of the world!
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six
days.
Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the Seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed Downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God," and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth; "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great
opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot
spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people".
God continued, pointing to different countries;
"This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass with a great bay and said,
"What's that place called?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful, green fields, sunsets, and rolling hills. The people from Maryland are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking,and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting next to them in Washington, DC."


The blame...

Let's see if I understand how America works lately

If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.

If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.

If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So if I die while my old, wrinkled rear end is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?